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From the porch
I was assaulted the other night by a cowardly attack in the dark. My attacker is a bully because he is much bigger than me and he caught me by surprise while I was half asleep. I awoke at 3 a.m. and felt the urge of nature. It was pitch dark in the room. As I was walking I felt the thudding blow to my head. I stumbled back, but I didn't go down. I was ready to defend myself but I was disoriented. I didn't know which way was south, north, east or west. The disturbance awoke Susan. She began asking me what had happened. She told me to turn on the light. I couldn't find the light. Finally, one of us found the light - I'm not sure who. It could have been the assaulter. However, no intruder was present. He must have fled after getting in a sucker punch, I thought. Then, I realized that the bully was a bookcase. I had walked smack into the tyrannical piece of furniture. I must have been walking fast, I thought, because I was bleeding profusely from a gash above my left eyebrow. We patched me up as best we could and I went back to bed, but not before turning on a night light. I saw a pitiable face looking at me in the mirror the next morning. My nose is still recovering from surgery to remove a basil cell cancer, I looked tired from too little sleep and now my forehead had a gash that made me look like I had been in a boxing match with Popeye after he had just dined on spinach from a can. Of course, everyone who saw me the next few days asked if Susan had bopped me. I just went along with the joke and asked the questioner if he or she would call Social Services for me.
What is the moral of this story? If you wake up in the middle of the night, make sure you are awake before venturing out of bed. Also, make sure you can see at least a little. Also, beware of big bookcases. Perhaps it wanted to get even because I had placed weighty volumes on its shelves.
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