The importance of 'Being There'

You know how it is sometimes. You want to make your child's birthday party, but you've got work, a doctor's appointment, or maybe 25-to-life in the slammer.

Time was, a little - or long - visit up the river could mean missing out on life.

No more. A recent issue of Popular Photography featured a new business called Photos Beyond the Walls.

As the write-up put it so well, "This ingenious service will take pictures of you and your incarcerated significant other out of the depressing prison visiting room and composite you in a preferable scene."

It even made suggestions. You could "pose in a gazebo, show off your new (fantasy) Mercedes, or relax in a cozy winter ski lodge."

Sure, why not pose in the White House while you're at it? You can be the president's special guest at a state dinner in your honor!

It'll be great for you and your kids too - no more "Sorry, son, I can't make it. I'm going up to the Big House."

With the help of Photos Beyond the Wall you can "make" all your children's special occasions - first day of school, homecoming dance, graduation. And you'll have photographic "proof."

In fact, you won't even have to tell your kids you're "going away for a while." You can show up 20 years later with the photos of you and them together and reminisce about the great times you had together.

They won't even know the difference! Heck, they'll probably say to themselves, "Wow, my dad was always there for me and I was so busy playing stupid video games I didn't even notice."

Then it will be time for you to be gracious. "That's OK, son, you can make it up to your dear old dad by buying me a 48-inch, flat-panel, high-definition TV."

But this service isn't just for incarcerated dads. It's for all dads.

In the old days, all a man had to do was be a "good provider."

Not to denigrate the value of labor and a paycheck, but being a "provider" doesn't exactly entail heavy emotional involvement.

But people said this all the time. "He was a good provider." Which is pretty much like saying, "He was a good pay stub."

You could be a "good provider" while chasing showgirls in Las Vegas, as long you kept sending the checks.

But somewhere along the way, things went horribly, horribly wrong.

Dads became much more involved in raising the kids. They were expected to know to all sorts of arcane information about their children - their names, their approximate ages, even the sports they played.

It's become a national nightmare.

I can say this now that my son is 16, but watching a bunch of 5-year-olds play soccer is worse than watching grass grow - the difference being that at least your average blade of grass doesn't expect you to pay attention.

But Photos Beyond the Wall can set you free. You can "be" at your kid's soccer game - with the photos to prove it - while lounging at home with the paper and a cup of coffee.

Why didn't they think of this before?

Write to Don Flood in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL32853-6475, or send e-mails to dflood287@comcast.net.

(c) 2006 King Features Synd., Inc.

Reader Comments

No comments have been posted. Be the first!

Other Stories With Comments:
Article	Comments
Land transfer tax-- let the voters decide	1