From the porch
No parents left behind
By Dwight Otwell

With high school graduation upon us this coming weekend, parents, grandparents and other relatives will attend the ceremonies that will whisk their high school seniors into another stage of life.

The relatives will ponder the education that has supposedly prepared their graduate for college and the world of work. Some are thankful for the No Child Left Behind program, while others vehemently denounce it.

I understand that a school district in Tennessee is considering beginning a No Parents Left Behind program after receiving the following excuses, written by parents, for their children's absences from school. (Spellings have been left intact as received).

+ My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

+ Please excuce Lisa for being absent and she was sick and I had her shot.

+ Dear school: Please Ecsc's John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

+ Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

+ Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

+ John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

+ Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

+ Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

+ Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

+ Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

+ Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

+ Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

+ Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

+ I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because don't now what size she wear.

+ Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

+ My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

+ Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He hade a cold and could not breed well.

+ Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

+ Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangoover.

+ Please excuse Brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

+ Maryann was absent December 11-16 because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

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